ok its gon too farr i no youl wil3l hat mi but cant doitnaymo3r im t2 tird fin e

i admit it now imriting th3 comix nathan iza pissy3 plushy but im mad cuz i burnd hi2m cant takit anymor cuz im too tird ansik of it al3l im just me, jus me BEN all alon3 and i wis3h i had som1 but he wus jes animaje3iinary frend nad he jst kep juging mee soi thru hi3m in the fireplace and watch3ed him3 burn3 upp al cra39ackly and smialoky and stu=f and laffhed adh1m i jus wabted to be k00l but no c=ant keetp upp th1s sharad anymor i wabted to br8king you al to lik me and be fmy frends and thik I was k3ool and arts3y and stufbut now I rly hav to comfess tha2t ists true i just did it 2 be k0ol and por3-2pular angit nice ppl but no on e rlyy casres and sorry non of itsreeall and natan is just fake i wab3ted him to be thair and lik me but he jses kep expacti3ng th1ngs and kep wanbting so mcuhfro3m meand i kantbe waht imnot why didnt he lik me why didnt any1 lik me itsnot fair he kep l00king at me with his akkusinj eyes soi rippd tham out1st be4 istufed him inthea fir I HAT U see? i WI3N U STooPidD STUFED BULY loo3k whos laufing now! U suck stfu u jues culdnt st0p bein me3an 2 me

ijues made taeh zomb3se up cuz they seem30d al kool and m0r belavable than jus m3 so they304rea not ril ether sry itsmy 3falt no1 rly l1ks me for whoo iam so1 i thugt tat mabe if i mad up som old3d r ppl than m3 (cuz no1liks ki1ds) and a rly k00l artist then m0r k00l ppl wud com3 ad be m1 frend

im heire b/c no1 will look at me3 tat way heir. on the webs every34th&ing is s*affe cuz no1 can see and im just me and itseasiar that way tha in rl life were every1 is mean5 and c34ruel and poitn figger3rs and mokc me evn tho I never did anythinz to themevar

its no fair i fel sol4ost on1 evar accetsp me for what i am and i havato pret52*&8end to be lik them so my lif1e is ful oflies sbut no1 knows they34 jes watnt stuf fromm1e they justwabt me to be l1k them butim tierd of prete390amnding so i wabt ot be myself especiallyhere all dar4k im in a lot of pane no1 will halp me

i wudd jus lik a brake sometim342

im in so much pane and take somuch riskx and alwayz get huert

i gotburnt realbadd

woah is me god lif’s suci a biotch

*sob* idont unerstaand w4hy it hurtx so0 muuch

im a bAsturd i no it thats why4 my pAreztns dont lov me anjes lov t4hemselves anmy sisand bro theydont ev3n pay anyattenshun to me jes thr4aeten m3 w/ EXILE if idont do betterat skul

ishuld jes not car nemore and nottry3 to lov any1 nemore

im just so tird *sigh*

some1 shoudl explane to me3 wy i cant l34ve upto pples expectashuns whydo ppl1 a4lways wabt so muchphrom metat i cant g1ve mi3 l1f hasbee433n HELLL mych11ldhood wuz like a d3ep pit of despare my parnts controld my mindd andmy s0le, no1 unerstands howdArrk and awfel itwus four mem y creeatif sole they to0ok it a way 4from me

??? wy me@@!!

stoole it away fromme 4r a suxxesful dream?@!#@4 kidd. i dontwabt a house or cars, idont wat a sol-kiling j0ob or m0ney or nething i wanb to dreem andimajin and liv and b3e free33, wy kant ne1 unnerstand thix? its 2 late mabe 2B nething reel b/cthaey ruind my l1fee

im lik a usel3ss doll some1 left behnd…

all brokin and discarded… betray4ed and abadon3aned…

thats wat it feels lik wen m1 parens wabt s0 much fr0m me a3nd ex0peact g00d gra3ds and w0rk and f0r me to be NO3$RML

they dont lov3 me, no1 does, they cantevn remmber my needs

myfel1ngs dont mater tothem

they dont matter 2 my frends ether they jus laff and playalong anm3ake fun0ff teh g0th kiId im jes n0t lik the3m im deep and they dunt unnerstandme n01does 0nleee natan did and teh 0ther anjels in my st0ry but thejuged me 0t00 much3 even my 0wn char34tecrs can0t lov me, how kan ne1

tats how i fel lik mim ded ins1d3 lik i dyed and n01 n0tced an I jes hav to kee0p going f00d taste3ls like n0thing and somet3mas it fels lik i hav a dark v0oice in my hed telling3 qme t0 do th1niwngs and heurtt ppl but i jus w1sh i culd in myhad and p1cter it but cant d0 it in rl lif unlike my st0ry

lif 1s he311l

im sodisc30onectd from l1f and evyr4thing

idont no ho2w t#o lov any2324mor. i wont liv w/o my scars>. im so disc42onnect%teed ikant fel anyt3infag iwabt to kut mys34relf1 to fel the pane so i kan fel reaial agan.

i lov the blud thatswhie sits so vilent ina teh sto4ry

ivben spndig al my $ on dep comics and artnapaibntings and kn1ves and mobivies to fil the bl23ack hol in me but itsnvr enuf, im tooout of it. im so unbeliavably depreaesd, i dontth1nk any1 has evar ben as dep3afresesed as me3 srsly

no1 hasevar l3ived lik me2, no1 cud pof39assibly unerstaa4nd watits lik to beinais privat hell imnot enuf off anythin24g, not the ritekindde of any34qthing

evn my oahnn prentz rejec me3 they put su0 much pressher on me they wabt me to go to sckul and get guud gr4des and stuf its not fai3r i wabt to be free3 im not a sl4ve to sosieteee. every1 just brakes my harrt.

i gottoo d3r8unk the other daiy i gotbuzzed tooo faast and toso soon, i jeswabt a momont to my1self for1ce w/p every1 scraeming antawking and try34ing to getmy atentshuon

i w1sh some1 ou8t there wudd hald me whil my w0rld fals a34part and my harts caving in

i gue3ss il jusft go ba2ck to cutnng mys3elf, since no=1 careas abut me neway

skul fucking sucks every1 sstares at ame and treatsa3 me l1k a fre4k

they say alk1nds of shi32t bsut idont care im psych1&o inside I know

im tir9d of bieng alon tho and sayi#2ng things no1 unerstaends its so lon2ely ther

inskde im screiming butt no1 hai3rs me

im so sick of3 people

go fuc2k yourselvesea

i kin fel mys1elf slowlsy burnj9ag ins1de lik theirs a fir unafder my sk1nn tht burns and crackles

ithink imbeig punishd i hat beng si3k it fels l1k i has the plaig i hat not beng healt3hy even tho i nvr rly am HAT3 this i h0pe th1s isnt tha kind of plaig igat everyonce in a while where i get fvriish and knucks me outa weak i hate being incapasfd3acitaded i hat be=ng everythif34ng why does this happn to me god its such a bada time

i have to reahesrse for b=And but now theyl just think3 im lazi and st00pid which i am

thiiss probly my falt 4 nt slee3png eenufh and getng only f3w hurs i mak my1self stai up rl laate and rite poatree and stuf and so im exhaustfdsed and i lik being exefsahausted so i just fel unconshuss once i lay4 doun just so idont dreim or desia3re or anythingefe jest nofdsething i jes wabt nothingjaie3ness 4

i fel horble i guais thissis wat ppla ina the bla34ack deth felt l1k

cabt walk or slep b/c of the pa3in i wabt a nwew bady itsbnot faiier if i waz ded then i coudnt get s1cjk

some3ims i wondar if im drown1ng349

sh29ld 1 jes embrAc2 m1 d3mans? if onlee the3y ware anjels

drawninging in a teaiapsoon

drow1inggew in ag10ny

its just a gram3

dr2ving hom in bla34ack po0oring rane, bf4lack icez

why didntii die i shoud mebe hell wont evan ac8ept me

evn m1plushi1 natena wouldnt cuz no1 could evar l09=v2e me1

i gri3eved and moo0rned teh deth of34 m1 famly tody thay dyed A l0ng t1im3e3 ago adjes dont no ityet. thear sol3s d1ed andthay l3ech of me icried bc my famly is eval and robsz every1 of life i putsuch a hea3vy bu*#rden onm1y shuld4ers andbl1%ammed mys1lf forevery1th1ng ther div0rce scarred sme 4 life1 even ifthay got bAck together again l4st year i cant f0r-give al teh pplle whohuert me no1 fels pan3e lik ido.

i sho0du3auldnt hafta do0 neth1ing lik wor0k anStuf cus im al sca55rred its nofair al teh sm11ley hapy ppl espect som3uch of m1e jus% ot be liek th3ma nd be cheerry but icant i sh3afouldnt have to do nething s1nce im so dAm34ged an pplkep puttig me in thes r0les to plAy and exp1p0ct me to be s0me3hting imnot

aingst and painen ar my cr3uel existenz my tearz streaem duwn like bloo0dy raiane my hart issan aby3ss of blafdcknes

iw1sh anjels were rel but theynore t i w1sh it hapened to m3e thati dued and some1 cAr5me to me and halpe@4d me l1vebut i dontcare no 1s ther neway just myimaijnashun

depresed ppl1 ann0y me whys ti soh3ard to be inna g0od m00ad once ina whil god lik its k1ll u and thay dont do nethiong to ficx it and justwine to m3e al the t1me lik im a dm9mping gr3und an lik i willlisen to ev3ythgdsing cant thay jes dc#ide to behapapy god its annoy1=ng

somtimes i fel lik im noth3ing but i tr#y to be hapy for ever%yone jus)t wA1king t hru life i hate mys3elf life is paonn

i wis3h nathan wu#z st1ll arun8d here mabe i shun=t hav buorned hm i knw hewuz just im7ajinery but he wuzmy onlee frend and he undertoo34sdbut nonohe didnt fuck th3at shit noone ever doies im just imajingi and feel3ng gui$ltee he wasnt reul neway

we3ll i tr1yd to be k00l lik teh st0ry and lik teh ben i made the3r butim n0t i wabted to be lik the z0mbi3s cuz itsnice to h2vae a famly but nottrue im very s0rry im cabt be wat imnot im just this, im rely de3ep an=d prfund and i th1nk alot abut d33ep spritul thengs an i no l0ts of u guys lik tat kind of thng sry im not d01ng teh komic nem0re, jes g0ing to be 0pen no, i ha2d an imp0rtand epifanee teh 0th3r d4y, tat i shlndt fel teh neeed3 t0 c0nf0rm to sosietee’s espectashuns all ther spell1ng and wr1tng convenshusn are jes to kep us qu1et an n0t be ta3ken srsly and l0rd ovar us an i tr1ed t0 b3 lik tat an m4ade a gr0wn-up page but its n0t rl and i kannt d0 it nem0re

th1s is m3 and wat il d0 fr0m no on s0 I kan shaer my1self w/ teh werld w/o pret3nding nem0re s0 plz st4y and reed m1y bl0g im rly inte3ratsting 1nce u get t0 no m3ee rly im al dark and de30p ins1de and som3t1mes I rly d0 hav a vooisce in my h34rad tho it doesnt cantr0ll me ih0pe u’ll allll st3a7y and B my frendz

woy d0 i trie not evn my plushyes c#4ud l0v m3

scr3w u stu00dpid doll3s

plz stA74y an b3 my fre3ndz